The Referral

After your homestudy and dossier are completed, the next step is the referral. This is where the adoption agency works with the orphanage in the country from where you are adopting to match your request with children that meet your parameters.

Parameters? Yes. When you complete your paperwork, you will be asked a number of questions that define your requested parameters. You will be asked how old of a child or children you would be willing to consider? Would you prefer male and/or female? How many children would you like to adopt? Do you prefer siblings and/or unrelated? Special needs or healthy?

For us we are asking for children younger than Quin (our 4 year old from China). Why? In the birth order of our second group of children, we think it would be special for Quin to be the "big sister". We are also requesting two children? Why? Unfortunately our world is not color blind. So because our newest children will have much more melanin than their pale mom, dad and siblings, we felt that it would be an encouragement to each to have another sibling with the same beautiful skin color. We've also asked for healthy children because we don't feel that God has uniquely equipped us for special needs children. And finally, we've told the agency that our preference would be for siblings, but that if siblings are not available, then we would gladly receive unrelated children. Why? Where possible, we would like for siblings to be able to stay together.

We are reminded that as we go through this process, that God has already known and selected the children He has for us...well before we "set" the parameters.

So what does heaven look like? Let me close by sharing a video of a family we found on YouTube, that may give us all a little glimpse.

Thank you for your continued prayers!

How Expensive is An Adoption?

Some of you know that I am an "over analytical" by nature, and that our first adoption almost didn't happen because I was too concerned about how "I" was going to provide for our expanding family in light of college trending costs, one income and the cost of raising children.

While Holly continued to pray about her desire to adopt, God used my son Conor to change my heart. One Christmas we had just received the Samaritan's Purse catalog that allows you to purchase chickens for a village, a wheelchair for a young child in need or other items in place of or in addition to Christmas presents for others. We told our children that if they would like to use any of their own money to make an SP purchase, that we would match each of their dollars by two. So a $1.00 donation became a $3.00 donation with the help of mom and dad.

After hearing of this, Conor (age 5 at the time) quickly disappeared and came back about 10 minutes later to announce that he had $57.00 saved and wanted to know what he could do to make a difference. God used Conor to teach me about trusting Him to meet all of our family's needs. I realized in a moment that it wasn't me but God who is the great provider.

So how much does an adoption cost? It depends. In general a domestic adoption is less expensive than an international adoption because there are limited travel costs and there is no associated country fee. With an international adoption, each country has their own country fee, which helps them to offset adminstrative costs on their end, and to provide some fee income recovery for the care that has been provided to your child until adoption.

The total costs of our first adoption (China)were approximately $25,000 for our one child. The projected costs of our second adoption (Ethiopia) will be between $32,000 and $37,000 for our two children.

Wow, you might say! That's alot of money. I don't think we could ever afford to adopt with those kinds of expenses. We had the same reaction and the same doubts as you have learned.

But God is faithful, and there are so many great organizations who provide adoption grants, interest free loans and much more in support of your journey. Many corporations provide adoption benefits today (my former company provided $5,000 tax free). The US Government provides a $10,000 tax credit per child. Some churches have even created adoption funds in support of their families.

In addition although many of your friends and family may not feel called to the mission field, or to adopt, some may want to be a part of your adoption. One practical way is through helping with your expenses. In fact, some non-profit adoption agencies will allow others to donate to your family's adoption and receive a tax deduction for their donation.

Bottomline, God is the great provider. He has commanded us to care for orphans, and He will take care of your every need.

The Paperwork Pregnancy (aka Dossier)

Many people who meet our family (either out of curiosity, or because their heart is being moved) want to know "What is the process like for adoption?", "How long does it take?", "Is it expensive?", "What was the adjustment like for your family?", "Were you scared?", "How did you know what steps to take?" Etc.

For those interested, we would like to help answer some of these questions by sharing with you our experience. There are also some great sites worth exploring. One of our favorites is How to Adopt http://www.howtoadopt.org/.

First of all, there are many great adoption agencies who can help address the various questions you may have, and who exist to help walk you through and coordinate all of the steps that you need to take in order to complete your adoption (either domestically or internationally).

For our Chinese adoption, we used Bethany Christian Services
http://www.bethany.org/, and for our Ethiopian adoption we are using Christian World Adoption http://www.cwa.org/. In addition to these two organizations, there are many other excellent choices.

These agencies walk with you ever step of the way. Two of the most important steps that you have to complete are 1) The Home Study, and 2) the Dossier.

The Home Study can be scary for some because it involves an adoption specialized social worker coming into your home, gathering information about you and preparing a report for your adoption agency. We completed our Home Study for our Ethiopian adoption this past week. Each time we have learned so much from the social workers who have been assigned to us. We've found in both cases that if you will remember that much of the questions and the paperwork being required are primarily for the protection of the children being adopted, then it doesn't seem so bad.

In addition to the Home Study, you will be required to complete a Dossier, or a packet of necessary documents (many of which will require notarization and in some cases even a state seal). The paperwork can seem overwhelming at times. But again, if you will remember what you are doing all of this for (to unite an orphan with their forever family), it won't seem so bad. Each country has different requirements, so always remember that your adoption agency does not make the rules, but are simply helping you to follow them.

Many adoptive families refer to the Dossier as the Paperwork Pregnancy. It is painful at times, and seems like the wait and details will never end, but it will. And when you are united with your child, all of the work and perseverance will seem like a small price to pay for the blessing being received.